2 Ways to Improve Your Listening and Leadership
You probably already know the traditional skill of being a good listener: remove distractions, turn off your phone, look at the person, paraphrase, summarize what the other person said, and mirror their body language. These are all good, but what takes listening to a deeper level?
Most of us want to be heard, and what we really crave is for people to listen to us. A good listener doesn't just hear the words we speak, they sense what we mean, perhaps even to a level of where they really "see" us. The highest level of listening is listening beyond the words. It is listening for what the speaker is wanting to mean. It is an abnormal experience for us to have someone who listens with such depth and intensity to a point where there is deep connection and impactful conversation.
Often times, we assume that the first thing a person says is what they mean. Humans speak between 125 to 150 words per minute. We think up to 900 words a minute! If you do the math, that means that 1 out of 9 times, we actually say what we are thinking. That's only 11% of the time!
Sometimes the purpose of a conversation is not to educate or entertain the listener; sometimes it is to help the speaker better understand his thinking or thought process. It is rare for us to explore our own thinking. And even more rare for someone to create a space and place for us to do this. (Unless you have a coach, of course).
An intentional listener will explore the next thing that you are thinking of by asking a question that is not related to the content, but rather about the intellect of the comment. Questions that helps us further our understanding of our own thinking are "tell me more", "what else are you thinking about on this topic?", or "how long have you been thinking about that?" It has been my experience that the speaker will first sigh and then say something like "Oh, what I meant to say was..." or "what really matters to me is..." These coach-like questions help the speaker filter out all the thoughts that are in his head.
If listening for meaning or probing further to get an understanding of what the speaker really means to say is one way of becoming a better listener, the second is to listen with the purpose of using the information to take action. How often do you attend an hour long meeting where you problem-solve, brainstorm, and make decisions? How often do you set aside time later to process what was heard and do something with that information? A great listener and leader is always wanting to improve and so she sets aside time to reflect on what was heard and to make an action plan. A simple rule of thumb is that for every hour you invest in listening, you need to invest an hour for the action plan. Hearing is one thing. Action is the distinction between hearing and listening. If you act on what you hear I am saying, then I believe that you actually listened to me.
Consider the frustration people have with surveys. When companies put out their annual engagement survey, it is often followed by numerous emails pleading for people to respond. The reality is that people are being surveyed to death. They don't see the value in them. Organizations are failing at taking action that make a difference, to make an impact with the message that is being presented. If you're currently surveying your people, stop. Go back and look at the data from the previous year's survey and take action to prove that you are listening. If you are successful in making an impact with your action, you won't have to plead with your people to complete the next survey. The reminder here is that we must listen with the purpose of taking action. This should be happening at town hall meetings, manager one-on-ones, and with the leadership agenda every month.
One question I enjoy asking at the end of a meeting is "In a week, month, or year from now, how will I know it is different?" The follow up is "If we do that one thing, will that make an impact?" Whatever is the differentiator, that's the thing my team and I need to focus on until we've made the change being requested. This works in both the professional and personal worlds. Asking powerful questions and listening for the deeper meaning, and listening with the purpose of taking action will make us better listeners and therefore better leaders.