How Purposefully Planning to Fail Propels Us on Our Success Journeys
When I was a gymnast and cheerleader, I learned the hard way, that if anything was worth doing, it was worth doing with full gusto, an “all-in” attitude. When I hesitated or second guessed myself, I did things with half-effort. The result of this was usually some kind of a injury, a sprained ankle or a broken bone. This was especially true if in the process of doing a “trick” I switched from a decided mindset to a wavering one.
As a cheer coach, I knew when my athletes weren't fully committed to the skill they were about to perform before they even started the motion. I could see it on their face. It never failed, they would stop believing in themselves in the middle of a skill. Their bodies would loosen, fall out of form, and they would immediately fall to the ground, usually landing in some awkward position where they would quickly grab a body part or lay there as if they were dead. Sadly, I could see the train wreck coming from a mile away.
The same is true when it comes to achieving our goals. When our belief is wavering, our commitment wavers, and we end up taking wavering, or half-effort action. The end result is always some kind of injury; a setback, disappointment, humiliation, all the negative emotions associated with failure. When we layout plans and steps to achieve our goals we often do it as an attempt to avoid failure. But, anyone who has ever experienced great success knows that no success comes without some kind of failure. Sometimes we end up face planting into a pool of it. Knowing that we cannot avoid failure while moving towards goal achievement, I began to wonder how we can make failure work for us? This is what I want to explore in this blog post.
Robert F. Kennedy once said that “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” There are plenty of people who have experienced the epitome of success as a result of an epic failure. For example:
After three attempts of starting his own candy factory, Milton Hershey had to return to working at the family farm. It was there that he perfected the milk-chocolate candy bar.
Theodor Giesel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, received 27 letters of rejection before he convinced a friend to published his first book.
Thomas Edison set the record for number of failures with 10,000 while inventing the light bulb.
NBA Hall of Famer, Michael Jordan, was rejected by coaches saying he wouldn't be a good player because of his lack of height.
Walt Disney was fired because he lacked creativity. And, his first film company went bankrupt. I think it is safe to say that he proved that he is imaginative and knows how to build a successful business.
What would happen if we incorporated a plan to fail as part of our plan for goal achievement? What impact would planning to fail have on our journey of success? I decided to test this out for 10 weeks. I first considered the goal I wanted to achieve. Next, I considered all the failures that I would encounter on the way. Normally, I would do whatever I could to avoid encountering these failures... you know the humiliation, the disappointment, the pain and agony of wondering if I'm good enough and worthy of achieving my goal. For the sake of my trial, I decided instead to purposefully encounter them. I decided that if I have to experience failure, it was going to be on my terms. And, that I was going to use failure as a way to lead me to greater success. My list of failures included things like being rejected by people, hosting events where no one attended, not connecting or engaging the audience when speaking to groups of people, posting videos in which I said the wrong thing or looked less than my ideal. It was essentially a lot of things that made me feel vulnerable and uneasy.
Once I had my list of failures ready, it was time to commit and take action on them. This triggered my saboteur brain much like jumping off a cliff would. (Remember, our brain's main job is to keep us safe from harm, physical or emotional, so this idea of purposefully putting myself in harm's way was the most intense, nerve-wracking, and vulnerable experience I've had in awhile). My heart palpitated. My palms and underarms sweated. My stomach flipped. My breath shortened. My voice cracked. And, in some cases, my hands and feet turned cold and my body shook. My saboteurs sounded every internal alarm as they screamed “Don’t do it! This is too scary!”
What I learned in those 10 weeks is that I am more capable than my saboteur brain wants me to believe. The 10-week challenge proved to be a great reminder of the three beliefs that I think are core to every entrepreneur and leader: I am valuable. People want what I have to offer. And, they are waiting for me. There are people who are looking for and wanting what I have to offer. Most people were thrilled that I reached out to them. I also learned that those who didn't need my services where happy to introduce me to people who they thought would benefit from a coaching engagement. I learned that rejection provides great clarity and makes moving on very easy. When it came to speaking to groups of people, the feedback was quite humbling. I learned that I have more connection and engagement with my peers and those who are old than me. From this experience, I also learned the value and importance of storytelling. By committing to putting myself out there on the skinny branch, to be vulnerable and willing to fail for these 10 weeks, I was able to open doors and accomplish more things than I did in the 7 months prior. The growth and momentum this challenge created in my business was insurmountable. I am still in awe of the experience and am excited to continue working on this mindset of willing to risk, to go “all in,” and to purposefully fail for the sake of learning and growth. If I had listened to my brain and complied to its many requests and pleads to stay in my comfort zone, not only would I have avoided the discomfort of failure, I would have missed out on great learning moments. Those learning moments are what propelled me forward, leading me to experience greater success.
As you consider your goal, what failures may happen on the way to its achievement? What are the really big fails that are going to be necessary to happen? Whatever those are, let those become part of your fail plan. Keep in mind, a fail plan is not a plan of all the things that you need to avoid as your brain may tell you. Rather, it is a plan of the things you need to experience in order to achieve greater success. It is what you need to be willing to do to show up BIGGER and play a BIGGER game. I'm not talking about creating a “half-effort” fail list. I'm talking about an “all out, major faceplant” fail list. I'm talking about looking at what you can risk for the sake of your goal and growth. (Now, obviously you need to consider where you are in your life. Going all in financially as a young 25-year old who has few financial commitments and a wealth of money in the bank is quite different than a 35-year old who has a mortgage, spouse, and two daughters). Notice what is keeping you from going “all in” and then purposefully decide to risk it.
People who resist failure are usually the ones who end up experiencing more pain in the end; much like the person who trips and puts out her arm to break her fall usually ends up with a broken bone. If this person would have just accepted the failure, the fall, and allowed herself to feel the pain of her body hitting the ground, most likely she would have just had a few bruises, not a broken wrist, elbow, or arm. We want to achieve our goals, but we don't want to fail. We want to feel good during the journey and avoid feeling disappointed, humiliated, or judged. We want to avoid looking like we don't know what we are doing or having people think poorly of us. We do our best to protect ourselves from failure and negative emotions. When we do this, we play small. We make small plans, take small action and receive small outcomes. When we're busy avoiding risk and failure, we keep ourselves from experiencing the success we're desiring.
If history has taught us anything, it is that when you aim for success, you fail more often. The most successful people have shown us that when you aim for less failure, you also aim for less success. The brain does a good job of making this happen subtly so we are unaware of it. That's why the fail plan is so important. A fail plan allows us to identify what failures we may encounter on our journey to success and gives us an opportunity to approach them with determination to get through it. When you're fully-committed to risk and feel the discomfort that failure provides, you're more likely to take BIGGER action and thereby create BIGGER results, whether that is learning or the success you seek.
In his quote, “I never lose. I either win or I learn.” Nelson Mandela reminds us that failure plays an important role in achieving success. Failure provides great opportunities for growth and sometimes a massive fail is necessary to achieve exponential growth. If you're not fully risking, you're not taking BIG action to achieve your goals. If you aren't willing to fail, you aren't willing to succeed.
In what ways are you willing to risk looking or feeling good for the sake of your goal? Comment below.