4 Simple Steps To Getting What You Want

About every third day I hear a familiar conversation from my daughters' rooms. One will ask the other "Hey, want to pick out my clothes?" After the listener agrees, the next thing I hear is "No, not that one. Not that one either." Eventually there is some stomping and screaming and one of them comes and gets me saying "She told me to pick out her clothes so I did and now she won't wear it!" A few moments later the one who asked the original question will show up and say "Well, she picked something I didn't want to wear!"

Maybe you don't have this particular clothes picking battle in your home, but I bet you've been in a similar situation. Perhaps you and your significant other are deciding what to eat for dinner. Being considerate, you ask him "What would you like?" His response, "Oh, I don't care. You pick." Wanting to please him, you ask "How about tacos?" to which he responds "No." So you throw out another suggestion, "How about steaks?" Again, he responds with "No." And then he offers "How about pizza? I've really been craving pizza." His response is enough to make you mad as you reply "Well then why didn't you say that in the first place!?!"

What I have learned through many years of leadership training and coaching my clients is that more often than not, people have a better idea of what they don't want than with knowing what they do want. This is very problematic. First, it is problematic at the cognitive level. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a filtering system in your brain that helps process our thoughts. What we know about the RAS is that it doesn't understand the word "don't." For example, what happens when you say to a child "Don't spill the milk." She spills the milk, right? This also happens when we tell our teams not do something. If I say to my cheerleaders "Don't bend your knees," they bend their knees. I've witnessed Managers and Leaders tell their teams not to do something over and over again only to end up with the result that they didn't want. On a spiritual level, our lives have been framed by the things we don't want. As the Law of Attraction and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy has proven over and over again, we get what we focus on. If we're always focusing on what we don't want, that's what will continue to show up in our lives.

So how do we start manifesting what we do want? The first thing we need to do is get a very clear picture of what it is that we want. The more you can picture and experience what it is that you are wanting, the more likely you will get it. If you want to make $100k this year, imagine yourself holding the money in your hand. Smell it. Feel the weight of it. Feel the texture as you gently rub your fingertips over the bills. The more real you can imagine this, the better because the brain cannot tell the difference between reality and pretend.

It is important to visualize what it is you want on a regular basis. Many people include this in their morning or evening routine. The more often you can visualize your success or the attainment of your goal, the better. It keeps it top of mind so that you're brain is constantly looking for ways to manifest it. Affirmations are also helpful in this process. Just make sure they are said in the affirmative (positive) and are present tense, like "I am joyfully holding $100K in my hand."

The second step is to tell at least one other person about what it is you are wanting. This is important because when you tell others, it is a sign of your commitment. It sends a message to the universe you are serious about attaining your desire. Be forewarned,  accountability quickly shows up once you've made your claim public so be prepared for it. Additionally, telling another person is important for the sake of having someone to support and encourage you. Perhaps that person knows a person or a system that can fast track your progress.

The third step in getting what you want is to be open to receiving. You may be thinking "Well, of course, I'm open to receiving $100K. Why wouldn't I be?" Spend some time considering if you really truly are open to receiving. I always thought I was fully open to receiving and then I noticed that my behaviors suggested otherwise. Through observation, I learned I'm naturally a giver. For example, when the bill comes for dinner or a social hour at the bar, I often offer to pay. There have been times that I have aggressively interfered when another person wanted to pay. I like being the generous one at the table. Even the other day, someone offered to take care of my children without pay. I couldn't accept it. And as fate would have it, an hour later I was unable to receive something that I really wanted. If resistance to receiving is showing up in one moment, I guarantee you it is showing up in other areas of your life and it is slowing down your outcome attainment. So, take a look at your behaviors. Are you really open to receiving without attachment? If you can accept a gift and simply say "Thank you" without feeling the need to repay the gesture in the future, then you're on the right track. And, if you're like I was when it didn't feel right to receive without giving in return, then change your perspective. If you absolutely need to be the generous giver, I encourage you to give others an opportunity to give to you.

As simple as the first three steps to getting what you want are, the fourth step takes commitment. We can visualize, do affirmations, tell others our desires and even be open to receiving, but without laser-focused action, we won’t make any progress on our journey to goal attainment. Each day requires us to show up and do the work. If you’re not sure what step to take, simply ask yourself “What’s the best thing I can do to move myself forward?” and then do it. The process of getting what you want begins with knowing specifically what you want. It is leveraged by communicating and being fully open to receiving your desires. It ends with taking laser-focused action on a daily basis.

In the comments below, share what you are striving to become, do or have. Consider what steps in the process are easy for you and which are more challenging. If you need support as you work towards getting the things you want, email me at molly@empoweredcoaching.com.