2021's End of Year Reflection: Pushing Pause
Every year at this time, I reflect on the past year. I reflect on what I want to celebrate; the accomplishments, wins and best gifts or blessings. I also reflect on the challenges I encountered and the lessons they've taught me. To say that 2021 was difficult would be an understatement. In fact, if I had a choice of re-doing a year, I'd rather redo 2020 than 2021. 2021 brought a lot of loss with it. Friends were diagnosed with cancer for a first or second time, others were hospitalized after major accidents, and people I cared about "gained their angel wings." The most difficult loss was of my role model and mentor, my aunt Cindy.
Days after Cindy's passing, I stepped way out on that skinny branch to go after a BIG audacious dream I had been holding for awhile. Although people told me it was okay for me to delay until the next opportunity, I was convinced that I could manage my emotions of grief and prove that I was someone people could count on regardless of the shit-show that was going on in my personal life. When I arrived to do the thing, nothing went according to plan. I lacked the excitement and energy I had leading up to the event. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't pull it together. In spite of weeks of preparing, I just couldn’t get my head or heart into the activity. Instead, everything in my body was telling me “Not now. This isn’t the right time. Wait. Procrastinate.”
I don't know about you, but when it comes to goal achievement, I've always had a very polar mindset. I either win or I lose. I either succeed or I fail. I cross the finish line or I quit. There has never been any other option than these two extremes. It was absolutely soul-crushing to admit I couldn't complete the activity. I sobbed as I told the people in charge, “Here I've been given a great opportunity, and all I can do with it is throw it away. I can't do this right now so I guess I have to quit.”
The people were incredibly kind and empathetic. And, to my surprise, they shared with me that there was another besides pass, fail, or quit. The forth option was to push pause. (WHAT)?!!? It turns out, the journey to success does not only consist of winning or losing; making it or failing, or even worse, quitting. The journey to success also includes moments of pauses; times to look around, to note where you are, and to reflect and realign. Just as ships and airplanes have to continually realign to stay on course, we too, have to continually realign.
This simple, and difficult, action of pushing pause was a game-changer for me. I was able to fully experience the grief and loss of Cindy's death. Pushing pause also gave me time to reflect on what I want for myself, my life, my family, and my business. I pondered what was most important to me in regards to my values, purpose, and ultimate dream. By pushing pause and reflecting, I am very clear on who I want to be, what I want to do, and the impact I want to make. In fact, I realized that this BIG dream isn’t actually what I want. By reflecting on my values and the impact I want to make, it became very clear that this dream pulled me away from what I really wanted. For example, I want to make a difference in the community where I live. If I am always flying somewhere else, how am I going to get this done? I love picking my kids up from school. If I am somewhere else, I won’t be able to do this.
What I realized from this experience is that there is always another option aside from the extremes of passing, failing, or quitting. It is pushing pause. It takes an incredible amount of courage and self-awareness to push pause. By doing so, we assure that we’re aligned and travelling to the destination that will give us our greatest fulfillment, joy, and peace. Since pushing the pause button and realigning myself, I feel more "Empowered" than I ever did before. And, I can’t wait to make my “true” dream a reality in 2022.
When have you pushed the pause button and what outcome did it give you?