Empowering Your Complaints
Visit any news channel, social media platform, or simply listen to conversations in coffee shops, restaurants, and retail stores, and you're likely to notice that EVERYONE is complaining about something. “The weather is too cold.” “I'm tired. My husband's snoring kept me up all night long.” “My kids are out of control.” “My co-worker never gets her projects done on time so I am always running behind.” “My boss is so indecisive.” “Government and all political figures are corrupt!” Yes, we are a society that loves to complain.
If you're like me, you've been told that “Nothing good comes from complaining” and you've seen the data that shows complaining negatively impacts our mental, physical, and spiritual health. So, why do we do continue to complain? In this blog post, I share the benefits of complaining and how you can turn your chronic complaints into a process of empowerment.
Complaining happens when we prefer something better than our current circumstance and recognize that a better way of being, doing, or having exists... but we are unwilling to take action in order to change our current experience. When we complain, we are essentially saying “I prefer something different, but I am not willing to make it happen; so instead I am going to just sit here and complain about it.”
While complaining may be an easy way to frustrate our co-workers, friends, and family members; if it is channeled appropriately, complaining can be a useful tool for relieving stress, bonding with others, and solving problems. As a society we aren't very good at communicating our emotions so complaining provides us with an outlet. When we vent or "get it off our chests", not only are we relieving the emotional energy of the frustration or discontentment of our current situation, we also create an opportunity for others to bond with us. Complaining is a social tool in which people feel closer to us because of the mutual dissatisfaction. And, when we vent, the presentation of our case is often intense which ignites others to listen, engage, and even please us. Another benefit to complaining is that when we're busy complaining, our attention is laser-focused on the offending issue. If we use that to our advantage, we can identify a solution; a better way of being, doing or having.
Complaining may dissipate some of the energy of an upset, but it does not change the circumstance or our experience. And, if we stay stuck in complaining for too long, it can actually lead to a feeling of helplessness, catastrophizing, or depression. Successful people know this and are able to control their response to create what they long to achieve in the moment or long term. If you are going to be successful, you will need all of your emotional, mental, and physical energy focused on the action you need to take in order to create the success you're wanting. Below I have outline a simple 4-step process for you to take yourself from complaining to empowerment.
Write a list of your most common complaints.
Using each of the complaints listed in step 1, write down what you prefer instead.
Again using the complaints from step 1, write down one action step you could take that would move you closer to being, doing, or having the experience you prefer.
Now that you've identified one thing you could do for each complaint; instead of complaining take that action.
By doing this simple 4 step process, hopefully you will notice and catch yourself when you start to complain. You may also become less tolerant or impatient when other people complain because you realize that there is always some action that can be taken to improve or resolve the situation or experience.
Share your most common complaint and the action you will take to resolve it in the comment section below.