Do You Believe In Magic? How Make-Believe Influences Our Dreams.
Have you ever had the experience when you were sharing with another person your BIG, audacious dream... you know the “shoot to the moon” kind of dream... and then while you’re soaring high on the idea of it all, you’re quickly grounded by a comment “That is unrealistic.” or “It will never happen.”
I recently had that kind of experience. I was talking with a couple of leaders about how I might help their team dream BIG and create an action plan to move closer to their dreams. Ultimately, we wanted to create an experience where people would leave feeling empowered and believing in possibility. But one leader burst the bubble by wanting to make sure that whatever dreams the team had were realistic. She believed that by allowing the team to believe anything was possible we would be supporting a falsehood and they would ultimately feel disappointed. My response was “So you want to disappoint them ahead of time? You want to take away the magic of dreaming and believing, the fun and excitement of possibility?”
This conversation got me thinking about believing and the magic of possibility which led me to Memory Lane. When I was young my sisters and I would make-believe all sorts of things from Barbies to babies to playing out roles and scenes. I recall pretending to be the head of the orphanage (Miss Hannigan to be exact), a teacher, a professional downhill ski racer, a Broadway ballerina, a nurse, a mother, a Baywatch lifeguard…. I came up with countless ways that we had imagined we were someone different than who we actually were.
As a parent, I’ve played make-believe with my daughters, finding myself on all fours pretending to be their horse as I give them a ride around town. I’ve been a dog, a dog owner, a scary monster, the Queen, a deer… Their favorite is when I pretend to be a fruit-smoothie connoisseur. They play the role of their favorite fruit and I peel, cut, and squeeze them before putting them into the blender where they get mixed with ice, yogurt, and milk. They love when the blender gets turned on as they flap like fish out of water. We laugh and they beg to keep the blender going. “I’m not blended enough!” they shout.
Even as a coach, I play in the arena of make-believe as I imagine that anything is possible. I use and have prescribed the success principle “Act as if.” When we act as if we are more confident, surer of ourselves and of our abilities, we are playing make-believe. We are inviting magic into our world and into ourselves. Whether that is fairytale magic or magic we create through our beliefs and actions, it is still magic.
I think one of the reasons people struggle with creating belief in the impossible is because as a society, we’re moving away from believing in magic. We have become so educated and “enlightened” that we’re taking the fun out of being curious, of exploring, of believing and allowing for magic, or even a miracle. It seems to me that we complicate our fear of disappointment by wrapping it around a blanket of fear of time. So many of my clients have this fear of not meeting their goals by a certain time. It is more often about the deadline than it is about the actual accomplishment. They fear that the result they are seeking won’t happen soon enough, so they stop believing. They stop taking action. And, then guess what… they prove themselves right.
A coach I work with told me “We are so mentally correct now. And in trying to prevent mental harm, we create it.” While we do our best to prevent feeling any kind of disappointment, we tell ourselves not to believe in some unrealistic thing. We tell ourselves it is not possible, so don’t go there. We make ourselves feel disappointed ahead of time. We lie as we tell ourselves it is better to be disappointed at our outlandish goal than it is to go after it with all our heart, body and soul, and potentially feel disappointed later if we don’t accomplish it within the time we’ve set for ourselves. Our unwillingness to feel disappointed is also the reason that when something isn’t happening quick enough, we stop believing. We quit. We decide “It wasn’t meant to be.”
I believe dreams should be BIG, audacious, and inspiring. And our job as leaders, mentors, and coaches is to pour gas on the flame of belief our followers have in themselves and in their dreams. We need to inspire them to dream and play BIG and explore for themselves what is possible. We never know what amazing things people can do until they actually do it. When we bring BIG belief to our conversations and engagements, it becomes easier for our followers to bring the little belief they have.
As a mother, I know my daughters are in their most formative years. Whatever message I tell them will formulate the way they see themselves and the world in years to come. If I am always telling them “You can’t do that.” or “No. No. No.” they will grow up believing they can’t. I see this All. THE. TIME. Children who grew up without playing make believe, or lacked the freedom to explore and create, grow up to become adults who don’t believe in themselves, in their capabilities, and in their dreams. They come to me for support and encouragement as they work to overcome their self-doubt so they can move forward towards the things they desire most, often a reflection of their childhood dream.
When I think about the most successful people, they seem to be the people who can see what others don’t yet see. They have an imagination and believe that what they are seeing is possible. President Kennedy had a BIG, audacious goal of getting to the moon before the turn of the decade. I’m sure many people thought it was unrealistic. Thankfully, Mr. Kennedy didn’t let others disbelief keep him from believing. He kept talking about its possibility, and then, through his inspiration, the USA made it to the moon... 6 months ahead of the deadline in fact.
If you’ve had a dream that has been postponed because someone burst your bubble, I want to challenge you to revisit that dream within the next week and see what possibilities may be awaiting you.