4 Steps to Help You Navigate Transition
If you've read William Bridges' groundbreaking book, "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes," you know that change and transition are two different entities. Change is an external event that can be scheduled to occur on a certain date at a specific time. On the other hand, transition is something that happens internally. It is the way we adapt to a change, like the way we adjust the way we think, our behaviors, or attitude. Unlike change which happens at a very specific moment, transition is a process. It has three stages: the beginning, ending, and what Bridges' calls the "neutral zone."
When change happens and people are moving through the transition, they often want to move quickly through the phases. They focus on shutting the door of the old (the beginning of the transition) and then quickly look ahead to see where it is that they want to end up (the ending). Sometimes, that can happen in a matter of minutes, hours or days. For example, ending a job on Friday and starting a new job on Monday. The time between the ending of the old (the beginning of transition) and the starting of the new (the ending of transition) is the place of the neutral zone. This is where the magic of transition happens. And, unfortunately, this is also the place that can cause us to feel lost, confused, sad and perhaps even angry. Because the neutral zone feels so uncomfortable, many people do their best to skip over it or get out of it as soon as possible. The result of this is a lost opportunity for discovery and growth. In this blog post I want to give you tools to consider as you navigate whatever transition you may be making in your life; a change in a relationship, a change in career or responsibilities, a change in habits,... really any change that involves being or doing differently.
The first step in navigating transition is to first identify how you are engaging with the change. This is about being consciously aware of what is going on around us and in us at the current moment. It is noticing the thoughts and feelings we are having. One thing I like to have my clients do is notice if they are what I refer to as "reacting" or "choosing." Are they reacting to the current moment or are they choosing how they want to respond.
Reacting happens at the unconscious level. It is the brain's natural way to respond, much like the way my leg kicks when the doctor taps on my knee. Unfortunately, our brain's natural way to respond to things stems from fear and risk. Therefore, often times our "reactive" response are: feeling trapped, frustrated, angry, hurt, and judgmental. We may worry, be resentful, or blame others. Ultimately, we see ourselves as the victim of our circumstance.
The other way of responding is to choose how we want to engage with the moment. This happens in the conscious part of our brain. This is when we choose take responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. There is a sense of freedom and peace knowing that in each moment we can choose who we want to be and what we want to do in the moment. Because this is not the brain's natural response, it takes energy, effort, commitment and awareness to develop self-mastery of responding in this way.
Once we've identified whether we are reacting or responding to the change, the second step is to notice where we are in the journey. Noticing is more than simply being present. It is intentionally paying attention and then naming whatever it is that caught our attention. Keep in mind, we can only learn when we take time notice.
When we are in transition, we spend a lot of time focusing on where it is that we want to go, the destination of our journey. Depending on whether the change that occurred was our decision or someone else's, we may not have a clear view of that place. It may be too far ahead to see or there may be a haze or fog that is making it hard to see. On the other hand, what we are leaving behind is very clear. A helpful exercise is to draw a map of your journey. Take a piece of paper and draw a starting point and ending point. Then, mark where you are between those two points. Notice what comes to mind and the emotions, or feelings in your body, as you mark these points. Next, identify if there are obstacles that are blocking your path. Those can be represented on your map with construction zones, road closures, boulders, or even mountains to go over or around. Consider if there are people or organizations that may help you as you move through the map. You can draw bridges, animals, or modes of transportation to represent those. As you look at your map, reflect on what you're feeling. What do you like about your journey? What is disappointing? What adjustments do you want to make?
The third step of transition is identifying the gifts. This step requires you to first believe that there are treasures hidden along the path of what you're going through. To see the gifts, you'll need to slow down and look for them. The gifts may show up as a gratitude and appreciation for things that were taken for granted. It may also be using your resources (time, energy and money) more wisely. A gift could also be a reminder that life is valuable and short, causing you to take action today instead of putting it off until sometime in the future. Whatever shape the gift comes in, it often creates a new way of thinking, doing, or being.
The fourth step in navigating transition is to identify what is not serving you and to let it go. When we're in a reactive mode, we are buried in stories and beliefs that do not serve us. They keep us from taking responsibility and action that moves us forward, or they make our efforts much more difficult. When we respond to our circumstance with conscious thought and action, we have the ability to decide what we are going to hold onto and what things we are going to release. Take some time to list what things you're carrying with you as you move through your transition. Think about the stories you tell yourself, the beliefs you hold as true, the expectations you have about how things ought to be, even consider your relationships. As you consider these things, ask yourself if the item is adding value or if it is weighing you down. Once you've evaluated each item, it is time to release those that are not serving you. To do this, write those things on small pieces of paper. Ball each one up and then get ready to throw them in the garbage can, or fire pit. As you throw each paper into the garbage can or fire pit, complete the following sentences:
I am letting go of this because...
I will remove it by...
I will know it is gone when I can...
As you look at the remaining items, the items you want to carry with you on your journey, notice how those items are helping you move forward. Notice what it feels like as you look at those items.
When we allow ourselves to experience the discomfort of the neutral zone, we allow an opportunity for discovery and growth. We do this by pausing to choose if we want to react or respond to the change that has happened. In turn, this allows us the opportunity to decide how we want to move through the map of our journey. As we identify where we are in the journey, we are more likely to notice the things within and around us. This awareness helps us uncover the gifts that are often overlooked while travelling quickly from the beginning to the end. Finally, when we pause to consider how we want to be in our journey, we can also consider what things we want to bring with us and what things we want to leave behind.
Life is full of changes so in a sense we are always in transition. Some time ago, I decided to look at change and transition as an opportunity to learn about myself, others, and life in general. Transitions truly are growth opportunities, not simply periods of time to be endured and survived. I hope you'll use find these simple steps and exercises helpful as you make your way through whatever transition you may be going through. And, if you need support, please send me an email to schedule a consultation at molly@empoweredcoaching.com.