How Thinking About "How To" Impacts Goal Achievement
The action you take to achieve your goals is often inspired by two different thoughts; the thought of "how to do it" or the thought of "it is already done." When people first set a goal, the brain goes into problem-solving mode. It asks "How do we do this?" While this may seem like a logical question and a good place to start, it can actually cause you to delay taking action and prolong the process. To demonstrate how this works, notice the emotional energetic expression your body has when you ask yourself a "how" question. For example, notice how it feels when you ask yourself the following questions:
How do I lose weight?
How do I speak up at meetings?
How do I motivate my team?
How do I make more money?
How to I create more space in my life to do the things that bring me joy?
How do I organize my calendar so things get accomplished by their deadline?
Now that you are aware of the feelings the "how" question produces, what do you suppose you'll do when you are feeling that way? What I have learned from both my own experience and those of my clients, is that we become frantic. We start looking at everything that needs to be considered. We create a list of the things that need to be done in order to accomplish our goals. For most of us, this is the place where we stop taking action. We become so overwhelmed by what needs to done in order to achieve our goals, that we decide we don't have the time or energy to do it. We decide we don't have enough or that we are enough. Or we get so caught up in our brain as we search for the "how" that we create confusion that paralyzes us from taking any action. We may attempt to figure things out by asking a lot of questions from those who have already achieved our goal. We may anticipate the obstacles we're going to face and create a plan for how we will address those. The key is that all of this planning and problem-solving is happening in our brains. Sadly, many of us think this is a logical place to be, but really this is one way our brain works against us. It uses the "how" question to keep us from taking action on our goals.
Doubt is an emotional experience that is triggered when we search for the "how." When we're looking for the "how" we unintentionally focus on what we don't have or don't know. This creates doubt. The brain's antidote for doubt is hope. While hope is a positive emotion, it is a poor business plan for goal achievement. To prove this, notice the energetic expression hope creates in your body when you say the following statements:
"I hope my coach will tell me what to do."
"I hope I achieve my goal."
"I hope I will lose weight."
"I hope I will get promoted."
"I hope I will get more confident."
"I hope I will speak up at meetings."
"I hope I will get noticed."
Creating action from the state, or energy, of hope never helps you achieve your goal because it takes the responsibility, and perhaps even the ability, out of your hands and into something else; other people, the situation, God, or the universe. Hope reinforces the thought of not knowing “how “by placing the "how" some place outside of yourself. When you think that the responsibility or the ability of achieving your goals is outside of yourself, you'll never take the action necessary to reach your goals. And, if you do, chances are you'll delay before taking it thereby prolonging the process. And, because you’re coming from a place of uncertainty, you’ll take small action, not big, powerful, and impactful action.
When you’re busy searching for the “how” it impacts who you’re “being” in the moment. This is why I asked you to notice what you experience in your body when you ask yourself "How to" questions. Consider what kind of thoughts you have when you’re looking for the "how." Consider also how you interact with yourself, others, and the world from this place? For example, what thoughts or feelings do you have when you experience a small success on your way to goal achievement only to have that success derailed or backfired? What thoughts and feelings do you have when you've lost a pound only to have gained 2 pounds the next day? What thoughts and feelings do you have when you've trained a new team member only to have them quit the next day? What thoughts and feelings do you have when you've spoken up at a meeting only to be told afterwards that you should have kept your mouth shut? What thoughts and feelings do you have after putting in extra time, effort, and energy and then get overlooked for a promotion?
I can always tell when my clients are stuck in the "how to" energy because when they show up for their calls, they ask a lot of questions and in non-direct ways tell me that they don't believe that they can find a solution to the problem they are wanting to fix. They either call 50 people to get their opinions on a decision they are about to make. Or, they wait until their scheduled call with me to address their problem. The point is that they don't think they can solve it on their own. They are waiting for someone to tell them what to do. What they don't realize is that they are wasting precious time and prolonging the process. Additionally, they are approaching goal achievement with an attitude of helplessness. They are asking others to tell them exactly what to do rather than doing what is the next best thing for them. If I oblige and put on my consulting hat and tell my clients what to do, they still play helpless by saying "I still don't understand. Would you to explain it to me again, please?"
Looking for the "how" is a waste of time because when we're looking, we're not doing. And when we're not doing, we aren’t getting the results we're seeking. The only way we discover the "how" is when we dive into action. For example, if you want to learn how to ride a bike, you could search for the "how" by talking to hundreds of people about riding a bike or spend thousands of hours watching videos about riding a bike, but until you actually get on a bike, you'll never know how to ride one! Life is full of these experiences where you don't discover the "how" until you are in action to create it. A few examples are: you don't know what it is like to be in love until you've experienced it. You don't know what it is like to be a parent until you have a child. You don't know what it is like to lose weight until you've lost it. You don't know what it is like to have a successful business until you've created it. The only way to get to the place of knowing "how" to achieve your goal is to do the work; take action that will create it.
We live in a world where information is so easily accessible that we are used to simply asking a question and getting an answer. (Thank you, Google and Siri). We're not used to having to think and look for the answer so we have to train our brains to do this. The only way for the brain to learn this is by leaping into the activity. As I said before, we can talk to hundreds of people about riding a bike, we can watch hours upon hours of videos, but until we actually get on the bike we won't ever know how to do it. The same is true when it comes to achieving our goals. Until we get into action, we'll never figure it out.
When you're in the "how" energy, any outcome that doesn't align with the goal you're wanting to achieve effects your belief. You use the setback as proof for what you don’t know, don’t have, or capable of. You have thoughts like "See, I don't know how to do it. I keep making mistakes. I’m never going to get it."That is the predominant thought and energy driving how you perceive yourself and the world. That is the energy that is driving your action or lack of. On the other hand, what kind of emotional or energetic experience does it create in your body to imagine that you've already achieved your goal, that it has already happened, like it is part of your destiny? The response to encountering setbacks in this energy is very different from the energy of "how." The setback doesn't change your belief in yourself or about achieving your goals. When we believe that our goal is our destiny, that it is already done, then we use setbacks as learning opportunities. We allow ourselves to ask "What didn't go well? What did I overlook? What am I going to do differently going forward?" And then we apply those learning to our next step and we keep moving forward until we arrive at our destination of goal achievement.
When we stop to consider all the things that we do know and have, that's when there can be an incredible shift in our brain. We move from thinking from the source of the Saboteur part of our brain (the brain stem) to thinking from the Sage perspective (the prefrontal cortex). When we focus on what we do know and have, we can expand on that. For example, if we focus on the small flickering light, that light can become a much bigger and brighter light. This is much easier to do than to focus on the darkness, the things we don't know or don't have, and trying to turn darkness into light. You can fight the darkness and all of the "I don't know" or "I don't have" in an attempt to figure it out. Or you could spend your time and energy on what you do know, what you believe, and what you have decided, as a way of fueling the light. Fighting darkness is the "how" energy. Being aware of that feeling, energy, and the "how" thoughts is incredibly important because it slows you down. Looking for the "how" does not help you find it.
Earlier this year, I wrote a book. Actually, it was mostly written years ago. Unfortunately, because I didn't know how to publish a book, I sat on it. It wasn't until this year when I worked on my belief and stood in the space of "it is already done" did I decide to make it happen. Being able to see myself holding the book in my hands and feeling the feels of that experience allowed me to look back in time sort of speak to identify the steps I needed to take so this book would shift from an idea to reality. The first thing I decided I needed to do was hire a graphic designer and talk to a printer about requirements. When it came time to publish the book, I found myself spinning in confusion and disbelief. I became timid and fearful. It felt like I was on the edge of an epic failure. So, I did the next best thing. I remembered my imaginary experience of holding the book in my hands and then hired a publisher to help me finish the book. The power did not come from searching for the answers, the "how" within myself, but rather from getting into action by coming from a place of my book already being published and printed. An unexpected bonus was that when I experienced setbacks, like a 3 month delay, I didn't allow the setback to mean something about me. Rather, I saw it as something that had to be gone through much like a traveler goes through the Eisenhower tunnel on their way from Denver, CO to the ski resorts. It was simply a passageway.
When we're standing firm in the "have done" energy, this is the only place where we have access to the "how" before we take action towards achieving our goals. This is where we have access to the thinking that creates the "how" and drives the action that you don't know yet that you have to take. So if you want to achieve your goals, you have to come from the place of thinking, feeling, and show up as if you've already accomplished it. You have to get there in your body first. And that takes the time and practice. Many people get impatient with this and so it takes even longer. They think the reason that they aren't achieving their goals is because people are withholding information from them, or that people aren't supportive because they aren't giving immediate answers. They get angry and resentful because coaches, leaders, managers and other people are making them go the long way to discovering the answers for themselves. (f you think that your coach is making you go the longer way, please consider if that even makes sense. It doesn't by the way! It doesn't serve coaches if you don't achieve your goals. If you're thinking this, this is a tell-tale sign that you are in desperate energy of needing to find the "how.") When you're not aware that you're in the "how" energy, you make it the longer way because you're doing it backwards, not because it is the longer way. Spend your time and energy finding the energy of belief, accessing your thinking, creativity, ideas, taking action, and being the person with this belief. You will walk yourself into the achievement of your goal. You simply need to spend more time in the "having done" energy and taking action from that place.
In summary, when it comes to goal achievement, our action will stem from 2 thoughts; the thought of "how to" achieve our goal and the thought of "it is already done." When we're busy searching for the "how to," it creates thoughts of what is missing, what we lack or don't have. This in turn creates doubt and helplessness. When we're feeling this way, we rely on hope to bring us to your goal. Hope is a terrible business plan. When we're busy creating a plan to answer the question of "how to," we are prolonging the journey because we are wasting precious time and energy in our brains and Saboteur thoughts, rather than using the Sage perspective to create movement and action in our lives.
When we create a visual and emotional experience of our goal being achieved, we are able to think from the perspective of it already being done. It allows us to come from the place of believing and being a person who achieves her goals. It also allows the "how" to come to us as we take action as the person who has already done it. This doesn't mean that we don't experience setbacks or failure. It just means we don't make those setback to mean anything about us. We understand that trial and error is part of the process; they are the stepping blocks that lead us to success. Because we see both the good and bad experiences as part of the process, we stay in massive action and enjoy the person we're being in the process. We trust ourselves and believe we have what it takes and are capable of achieving our goals. We move from impossible to possible. Additionally, because we've visited the future in our thoughts when we imagined the achievement of our goal, we are patient with the process. We stick to it no matter how long it the process takes.
As you think about your goal for the next two months, I want you to find the energy and feelings of it already being accomplished. Create a visual image and emotional experience as if it is already done. Notice what it looks like. What are you seeing? What sounds do you hear? What feelings are you experiencing? I will warn you that if you are feeling excited, you may still be in the "how" energy. Most times, when we arrive at our goals, it isn't a big moment or something obvious like crossing the finish line of a race. Rather it feels more like head down, focusing on the work in front of us, taking the next step, doing the next best thing and then deciding to look up to get a quick glance at the scenery and realizing that we passed the mile marker a few miles back.
If you're one of the people who hasn't experienced a lot of success in achieving your goals or lacks self trust because of the number of times you've let yourself down, I suggest you start with a small goal. If your goal is to lose weight, start with a goal of losing 1 pound. As you experience success, build self-trust and confidence, then you can move to a larger goal, perhaps 5 pounds. The key is to notice who you are being in the process as you take action towards achieving your goal.
As you move through your week, focus on which energy you are in when you're taking action towards your goal. And then, notice what result it produces for you. Post what you’re noticing in the comments below.