Do You Need A New Role Model?

Not too long ago I listened to a woman talk about her challenge with giving up smoking. As she described the agony of repeatedly failing to quit, the conversation unexpectedly shifted to describing the traits and characteristics of her role models. A few minutes later there was a long silence. When she spoke again, she shared her ah-huh moment. She realized all of her role models smoked! She went on to explain that the reason she struggles with giving up smoking is because she associates smoking with success.

Witnessing this conversation caused me to reflect on the qualities, traits and habits of my own role model, my father. All of my life I have looked up to him. I wanted to have his charisma, do what he does, and have what he has. I admire my father for the difference he has made in people's lives through the family businesses and how he is able to financially support so many charitable organizations. Success seems to easily flow to him. It is like everything he touches turns to gold.

While my role model is a super-awesome person and I loved working under his leadership, there is one specific characteristic of his that has disrupted my confidence as a leader. Unfortunately for me, it is something that has to be accepted as it is by destiny that this is the thing that separates me from my role model. That is our sex. As a male born in the 1940s, my father was told by society to go out into the world, find a wife and do work that will support her and your children. On the flip side, the message I received from society was there were only three roles in the workplace available to me: teacher, nurse or secretary. But it was preferred that I get married and stay home to raise babies. I remember being told on a number of occasions "You don't need to work. You'll always be taken care of."

As a result of being male and expected to go out into the world to make a good earning, my father learned about selling and customer-care from my grandfather. He passed those lessons down to my brother by having him pick up cigarette butts before he was old enough to work. He taught him to plow the snow covered parking lots once he was able to drive. In college he gave my brother the opportunity to co-own and manage a bar. Unfortunately, these opportunities were not provided to me and so when I ventured out into the world of entrepreneurship I learned about business development through trial and error.

I have used my role model as a reference point to measure my success. Doing so has resulted in a dysfunctional relationship with my father and taken a toll on my esteem and confidence. Thankfully, I did the work to overcome this. I have accepted that I am female and so the game of life that I am playing is different. I balance everything I want to create in the world with the responsibilities of being a good wife and an available, nurturing mother. This does not mean "I do not have a 'do whatever it takes' attitude" as I was once told. It simply means I have different values and place my priorities in a different order. I recognize that I do not have the finances, social network, or bandwidth to make such a grandiose impact on the community as my father has... YET. And, so, the game I am playing is different and this calls for a new role model, one that better reflects my values, who I want to be and the impact I want to make in the world.

My new role model is female and a powerhouse entrepreneur. She is confident and swift to take action. She slays dragons and gets works done in the limited amount of time she has while the kids are at school. After picking the kids up, she spends her evenings fully present and engaged with her family. My new role model is fun, playful and very real. She is not afraid to post photos and videos where life is happening according to plan and the ones where it is a "hot mess." Similar to my other role model, my new one is super successful. She has a team, breaks monthly sales records, supports charitable organizations and sits on several boards. This new role model is a better fit for me because she is showing me that society has evolved and women can be successful entrepreneurs without sacrificing being a good wife or a nurturing mother who is available to her kids.

When it comes to picking our role models, it is important for us to consider the traits, characteristics, habits and values that align with who we want to be, do and have. If they don't align, or if they negatively impact our esteem and fulfillment, then it is time to consider getting a new role model.