Is Procrastination Holding Your Goals and Dreams Hostage?
One of my former coaches told me, "Decision is the key that unlocks your desires." Until we draw a line in the sand and decide that we're going to take action, our goals and dreams will always be locked in some treasure chest for safe keeping. And, while they are locked away, we will never experience joy, pleasure and fulfillment in our lives. Rather, we will experience regret, shame, guilt, despair and depression!
Procrastination is the thief of time, money, happiness, fulfillment and success. EVERYONE at one time or another has experienced its effect which often leads to feelings of shame, guilt, despair, and even depression. We feel ashamed when we know we're not doing what we should be doing. How many times do you know what you "should be doing," but you choose not to do it? We've been told over and over again how to take care of our health, our relationships, our businesses and, yet we choose not to do those things. When we know and don't do, we cause ourselves to feel ashamed as we tell ourselves "I should have known better." We feel guilty for our in-action. And, often times, we suppress these feelings which then leads to depression. If not taken care of, depression may lead to a premature death.
I don't want anyone to die prematurely for not taking action on their goals and dreams, so let's take a quick look at why people would push off their happiness, joy and fulfillment until a time in the future. There is a ton of information out there on the web in regards to types of procrastinators and reasons people procrastinate. For the purpose of this blog post, we are going to explore the three that most accountability coaches identify: Arousal, Avoidant and Decisional.
There is a small percentage of the population that procrastinates because of a neurological biological arousal, meaning these people experience biological pleasure as their bodies release dopamine due to the last minute stress procrastination causes. They become addicted to this arousal of waiting until the last minute. Yes, sometimes is good to wait to take action, especially if you are waiting for something that is necessary for a successful outcome. However, if you're constantly waiting, you may activate Parkinson's Law. Parkinson's law says that you will get done what you need to get done in the time you allot for it to get done. The problem of making that a habit is that stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, surge which exhausts the exocrine glands and causes us to be in a very, very tense, anxiety-laden state. When we're stressed and full of anxiety producing hormones, our bodies don't function as well as they would if they were in a calm state. This aroused state impacts the quality of our thoughts and our actions. We often aren't thinking clearly and make more mistakes.
The second type of procrastination is Avoidant. As the name suggests, Avoidants avoid taking action because they fear failing. They fear succeeding and then failing later, losing the success they achieved. They fear the possibility that others may ridicule or judge them. The see their goals and dreams as bigger than themselves and don't believe they deserve to have them, they are not worthy. They see a misalignment in their belief and actions. They wonder "Why would I want to achieve something that I don't deserve?" What Mental Fitness Coaching has taught me is that procrastination is an effect of something going on in the Saboteur, fear based, part of our brains. When our Saboteur brain is triggered, it is going to automatically tell us lies like "You're not worthy." "You don't deserve it." "What will people think if you do this?" It tells us these things just so we will stay in our comfort zones. Remember, the brain's job is to conserve energy so that it can be ready to respond in an emergency. It knows that when we're doing something new, learning, or stepping out of our comfort zone. we will expend energy. That's counterproductive to its purpose. When we choose not to take action, we are complying with the Saboteurs, the mean, lying, part of our brains who cheat us out of our acquiring our goals and dreams and experiencing pleasure, joy and fulfillment.
The third type of procrastination is Decisional. Decisional procrastinators choose not to take action because they don't know what to do. When these people cannot see the exact process, or steps to take, to achieve their goals and dreams, they don't take any action. They believe that in order to make progress, they have to have ALL the knowledge, ALL the skills, and ALL the right tools before they can start the journey. When they are lacking in any of those areas, it triggers the fear based, Saboteur, part of our brain. The Saboteurs lie and create self-doubt and uncertainty by telling us "You're not good enough." "You're not smart enough." "You'll fail and then what?" Just as the Avoidant procrastinators, Decisional procrastinators will play it safe and take no action because that is much better than being unsure or uncertain. In order for Decisional procrastinators to take action, they need to be certain that they have what it takes to be successful.
Sadly, Decisional procrastinators learn to master the art of disappointment rather learning how to adapt, change, and grow. The risk of being uncertain and the possibility that they may fail, be embarrassed, ridiculed, or judged is just too much. Therefore, they would rather master being disappointed in themselves than to go after what they want. Decisional procrastinators always settle for less than what they're capable of achieving.
Whether you identify with Arousal, Avoidant, Decisional, or a combination of these types of procrastination, or if you believe that you're not worthy, have limiting beliefs or if you like the "rush" of a quick, last minute action, there are three solutions Mental Fitness Coaching can offer you. The first is to weaken the effects of your Saboteurs. The second is to strengthen your Sage. And, the third, is to build your PQ muscles, your decision-making muscles.
Your Saboteurs will push you into action through anger, regret, fear, guilt, anxiety, shame, and obligation. On the other hand, the Sage pulls you into action through compassion, curiosity, creativity, the joy of self-expression, a desire to contribute and create meaning, and the excitement of action. Which would you prefer; to be pushed or pulled?
To weaken your Saboteurs, you first need to be aware that they exist and be mindful that they are liars. The most effective strategy for doing this is to simply observe your thoughts or feelings and then label them as Saboteur. You might be thinking this is too simple to have any impact, but, I assure you it does. By their very nature, Saboteurs do their greatest work, or damage, under the disguise of being your friend. They lie to you telling you that they are there to push you to do better, to perfect your results. The only thing is that when they do this, they are doing it at a cost... the cost of your peace, calm, and happiness. By observing your thoughts and feelings and labeling them as Saboteur, you're blowing their cover and discrediting their lies. Notice the difference between thinking "I don't think I am capable." and "The Judge Saboteur doesn't think I am capable." The second is an opinion, one that we can choose to ignore.
Opposite of the Saboteur is the Sage. The Sage is the source of your greatest powers: empathy, exploration, innovation, navigation and laser-focused action. The Sage believes that EVERY situation is a gift and opportunity. It accepts "what is" as oppose to making judgments. Instead of claiming that what is happening in this moment is bad, it asks, "What could be learned from this experience?", "What is the next best thing to do?", or "What can I create out of this?" When it comes to the Sage perspective, there is always something to discover, create or do. It feels expansive, not small, tight and constricting like the Saboteur's perspective.
The third way to overcome procrastination is to pause and consciously make a decision. Yes, pause, reflect and get clarity about where you are and what's happening there in the moment. Then, DECIDE what you're going to do about it. Things get done when we DECIDE to take action.
What you may or may not realize is that both the Saboteur and Sage perspective are self-fulfilling prophecies. The Saboteur fuels your action through anxiety, disappointment, frustration, shame, blame and guilt. While it does get you to move, it does it in a way that makes movement hard and difficult. And, because the Saboteur is so good at noticing negative things, it will see only challenges and more obstacles for you to overcome. When you're taking action based off the Saboteur's suggestion, there is no pleasure. It is work... very hard, difficult, time-consuming work. On the other hand, the Sage inspires action, not out of feeling bad, but out of empathy, inspiration, joy of exploration, longing to create, a desire to contribute, and an urge to find meaning. As I said before, the Sage does not define a situation, circumstance, or outcome as bad, but rather as an opportunity. Therefore, every moment, every circumstance, every outcome really is a stepping stone that moves us closer to our goals and dreams.
Each day we make over 80 thousand decisions. Most of those decisions happen at the unconscious level. And, while we're not paying attention, the Saboteurs are the ones making most of those decisions. Now that we know that both the Saboteur and Sage play a role in the attainment of our goals and dreams, it is imperative that we CHOOSE to listen to our Sage, the one who believes we are capable and worthy of unlocking the treasure chest that holds our goals and dreams. By choosing to listen to our Sage, we will be inspired to take action that feels light, joyful, and easier. If it turns out the key we're holding doesn't work, the Sage will not ridicule or judge us. Instead, it will be empathetic and guide us to the right key through curiosity, innovation and action. The process of deciding, taking action, and evaluating the results, when repeated from one moment to the next, that's how we unlock the treasure of our goals and dreams. It all starts with a decision to act.
Master your Saboteurs and strengthen your Sage by enrolling in Mental Fitness Coaching TODAY. Visit https://www.empoweredcoaching.com/pq-fitness-program to learn more.