Is Your Failure Productive or Unproductive?

We've all seen the image of the success glacier where all the struggles, failures, lessons, as well as determination, discipline, grit and resilience are hidden under the water. While that is a great image, I think a more powerful one is the one of a successful person standing on top of a pile of failures. Because, let's be honest, the most successful people are the ones who have failed the most. I'm confident that if you check out any sports’ statistics, you'll see that that most successful athletes also experienced the greatest amounts of failure. The football player with the most complete passes is most likely the one with a high number of incomplete passes. And, the baseball player with the most homeruns probably has a high number of strikeouts. This is because people who are successful are the people who are willing to go for it. They are willing to take more risk. They take more chances. Because they are willing to bet on themselves, they are also most likely to experience a significant amount of both failure and success

We need failure because that is how we get stronger; that is how we learn. We learn to do things by falling down and getting back up again. This is how it has always been. For example, we learned to stand and walk by falling down. It is by getting back up again that our legs gained strength and stamina. After enough repetitions of falling and getting back up again, our legs became strong enough to keep us upright. And, thus, we began to walk. Once we mastered walking, we started walking faster. Eventually, that fast walking became a jog, and then a run, and eventually a sprint.

The good thing is that as we experience failure, we get better at handling it. Sure, it doesn't feel good initially, but at some point we accept it as part of the process of learning. In Mental Fitness Coaching, we seek ways to change our perspective about failure so that it doesn't have to mean anything about us, like we're not good enough or we're not worthy. We pause to identify when we're making up a story that gives the failure power over us, believing thoughts that don't serve us because they keep us in our comfort zone. Instead, we choose to keep the failure neutral. Remember EVERYTHING is neutral until we assign meaning to it. If we are going to assign meaning to the situation or outcome, we better darn well make it useful to our growth! And that is what I mean when I use the term "Productive Failure." Productive failure is failure that happens as an opportunity for us to learn something. It happens for the purpose of strengthening, or preparing, us for future success. Productive failures are the stepping stones that take us from the level of not knowing to the level of knowing and experiencing success. They are the stepping stones for leveling up!

I work with some very successful executives who tell me they know that failure is important to the learning process. Yet, when they experience failure, their responses suggest otherwise. I believe that we logically know that failure is important, but I don't think we have accepted that it serves as a powerful purpose to our growth. I know this because I've seen people shame themselves when they've fallen short or missed the mark. I’ve witnessed how they've stopped showing up, stopped speaking, or stopped contributing in the way they were before the failure. It is like they've hidden themselves in a closet and are waiting for the monsters of regret, shame, disappointment and embarrassment to go away. What they don't realize is that they've locked those monsters in the closet with them! The best way to get rid of those terrible monsters is to open the doors and step out of the closet. They need to take action.

The most successful people in the world repeat this pattern of: decide, act, evaluate. They evaluate to see if the action they took has the results they wanted. If it didn’t, they repeat the cycle by deciding to take new, better action. The people who master this cycle and keep the outcome neutral by not making it mean something about them tend to be the most successful people. They don't shame themselves or tell themselves stories that they aren't good enough or worthy of the things they want when they experience failure, or when the action didn’t create the result they were hoping for. They simply stay focused on the repetitive cycle of:  decide, act, evaluate.

Productive failure comes from taking action without knowing if the action you're taking is the going to give you the results you seek. It is not about knowing the "how" to do things. It is about being open to learning. Much like a scientist has a hypothesis and then does an experiment to determine if that hypothesis is true, the same can be said about productive failure. You have a hypothesis that the action you're going to take is going to give you the results you seek. If it doesn't, you change your hypothesis or take a different approach. This cycle of decide, act, evaluate will produce for you. It will produce results, knowledge, skill, money, time, better relationships, weight loss. It will produce either very tangible results or it will produce growth in greater knowledge or skill; something better than what you have right now.

When I am presenting at a workshop, one of the things I remind people is that the world does not have a shortage of knowledge. Rather, the world has a shortage of application. We often attend workshops, seminars and retreats, read books, watch training videos,  hire consultants, or work with a coach only to download information. Yet, the power of knowledge occurs in its application. The power of coaching lies in what my clients are doing between their sessions. Therefore, productive failure only happens through taking action, doing something. PRODUCTIVE FAILURE IS THE "HOW" OF SUCCESS.

The second kind of failure is unproductive failure. UNPRODUCTIVE FAILURE PRODUCES NOTHING. Unproductive failure is the failure that happens when you choose not to take action or it happen just before you act. You allow your fears and made-up stories to keep you from taking action. You imagine that the action will be too hard or too painful. You pretend that you’re a future forecaster and already know that you’re going to fail. Based off those fears, you choose not to act. This may show up as lack of motivation, distraction, being trapped in your emotions or thoughts. These are the foundation of the Avoidant and Decisional procrastinators. They either think the approach or potential result is too painful, too hard, or they doubt they'll get the result they want and so they initiate the self-fulfilling prophecy by telling themselves that they are not motivated, they distract themselves with other tasks, or they simply downplay their action. What they need to be doing instead is to take on the mindset of a person who is brave and courageous. They need to stop being afraid and start taking action. Or, they need to take action in spite of the fear.

If you have had the unfortunate experience meeting resistance face-to-face, you most likely know that the longer you engage with resistance, the bigger it grows. Soon it feels too big to manage. When resistance becomes too big for us to manage, we don't take action. When we don't take action, we don't produce anything. Rather, we simply get more of what we already have: fear, regret, shame, disappointment, resentment and wanting something different. The quickest way to overcome resistance and fear is to take action. When we do nothing, we get zero results. We miss out on learning, developing a new skill, gaining new knowledge or achieving success. Action is required if we're going to have different results, period.

It is important to know that when you're swimming in unproductive failure, this is simply your brain doing its job of conserving energy to keep you safe in your comfort zone. It may show up in the thought that you can succeed without ever experiencing failure, or that if you experience failure, you'll never experience success. If you've experienced some success, it may show up in a sudden fear that you may fail in a very real and public way. When you think you have to experience immediate success, you'll actually postpone your success because you're going to so cautious in your approach. You'll spend so much time planning the next step, making sure that you have all the skills, knowledge and tools necessary for that next step that you'll lose precious time. While you're busy gathering all the things you need for the journey, time will continue to move forward. Therefore, while you’re busy collecting and planning, you'll actually be moving backwards, further from your goal. When you finally decide you're ready to do something, you'll play so small that you'll be lucky if you make any progress towards your goal.

When it comes to failure we need time to reflect and evaluate our results. We need hindsight to tell us if the action we took worked. The only way to get hindsight is to take action. So when we're busy drowning in unproductive failure, being afraid, or too uncertain to take action, we miss out on the opportunity to create hindsight. No action. No hindsight. That miserable pattern will continue to take us further from our goals and deeper into despair, regret, shame, and disappointment. Who wants that?

When you aren't willing to fail, you also aren't willing to succeed. The more you're willing to step out of your comfort zone and take action, even while feeling the struggle of failing, the more likely you'll experience success; whether that is growing money, improving relationships, losing weight or making a BIGGER impact. And, you know, sometimes, you do get success right away. When it comes to deciding to take action it is like choosing between feeling resistance or commitment. Which are you choosing?

One of my most favorite quotes is from Nelson Mandela. He said "I never lose. I either win or I learn." This is the mindset of productive failure. You are either succeeding or learning when it comes to failure. You are figuring things out. You may be learning to walk and next you'll be running, or sprinting to your goal. Once we understand productive failure, we achieve success quicker because we become aware that failing is the how of growth and success. When we understand this, we do a better job of managing our emotional reaction to the failure. We are less likely to shame, belittle, and doubt yourselves. Instead, we accept the new knowledge, take action, and either experience success or failure more quickly. And, best of all, we never make it to mean something about us.